If I was really enterprising, I would rent a port-a-potty on a flatbed truck and drive to a busy WalMart early on Black Friday morning. I would park it near the line of people waiting to get inside for the mad sales rush and charge $5 to hold someone’s place in line while they did their business. If I got no takers, I might start talking loudly about Niagara Falls.
I think that if you put in your money and push all the buttons on a soft drink vending machine, you should get a bottle with a mix of everything in the machine.
The Discovery Channel should team up with Red Lobster for Shark Week. First you watch them, then you eat them.
My list of the top three most difficult foods to eat in a car while driving: 3. French onion soup 2. Baby back ribs 1. King crab legs
I think that anyone voted off “Dancing With The Stars” or “Skating With The Stars” should have to compete in “Ultimate Fighting With the Stars”.
If I have learned anything from Super Scribblenauts, it is that the Large Hadron Collider can be powered by a AA battery and, when activated, will make a black hole that sucks in the whole universe.
Someone needs to make an Irish porn movie called “Come On Eileen”.
As a gamer, whenever the weather forecast says something like “30% chance of rain”, I always picture someone rolling percentile dice to see if it will or not.
Since they’re making all these “throwback” sodas with real sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup, why doesn’t Coca-Cola make their own throwback with real cocaine in it?
Here’s a fun game: if you’re riding an elevator alone, put on a really wide-eyed, creepy grin, and stand with your face right against the crack where the door opens. Wait for your floor. Say “HI!” as loud as you can to the first person on the other side when the door opens.
I want to create fake historical event signs that look just like the real ones, but mine would say things about Revolutionary War soldiers fighting zombies or how this site is where the Treaty of Uranus was signed. Then I will put them up and see how long it takes people to notice.
I came up with a great Halloween costume idea. Wear your regular clothes, carry an overnight bag, and sweat a lot. When someone asks what you are supposed to be, reach down the back of your pants and pull out a tied-off condom full of flour. You’re a drug mule!
If your car is stolen, will OnStar call the thief and talk smack to them while they’re driving away? Because they should.
What we really need to invent is a camera that can see and record our farts. Let’s get on that.
On the Vegas strip, you can buy a hollow, plastic guitar, complete with neckstrap, that has a built-in straw and comes filled with an alcoholic beverage. After that, you can buy a t-shirt that says “I Drank an 80-oz. Guitar”. If I saw someone wearing this t-shirt, it would make perfect sense to me. However, people who don’t know the context would probably think that person just does a lot of acid.